Tu Marz Hai Dawa Bhi
Platforms and Loneliness Epidemic
Thank for your love and affection for more than two years now. We have been through a very difficult time and I am glad to have you in my life. Conversations with you-however infrequent or small- have kept me engaged and have enriched my life.
Pandemic with its mandatory lockdowns, closed public spaces and social distancing norms had thrown the entire match making scene off-track. Of course, Covid19 has hit us harder and made two best bets- Office and College- unavailable for finding soulmates simply unavailable. So, people have turned to platforms to seek company. Folks across the world started having very atomised experiences and found it difficult to reach out to others IRL.
DTW
During the Week, there are multiple reports about a 80% rise in “Romance Scam”. This has led to lot of broken hearts ending up with empty pocketbooks as well. This may have to do with lack of financial literacy but the role of loneliness especially during the lockdown during covid19 pandemic can not be underestimated.
Love is blind and many lonely hearts in their eagerness to help a loved one (even imaginary or just virtual) in need, sends money, gift cards or, the nerdy ones, even transferring the cryptocurrency. Then, the '“loved one“ disappears and leaves our forlorn heart with even lighter wallet. They even start distrusting the platforms- both social media/dating and financial- and drift even more into isolation.
Ill- effects of social media platforms on users’ mental health and loneliness can be summarised in one expression- FOMO.
According to a University of Pennsylvania study there is a clear causal link between less social media use and improvements in loneliness and depression.
It is ironic, but perhaps not surprising, that reducing social media, which promised to help us connect with others, actually helps people feel less lonely and depressed.”
Imagine the number of ways in which your relationship with social media platforms intermediated by a smartphone can create anxiety and push you into a difficult space. Following is the list of stressors by youth and technology expert Amanda Lenhart’s 2015 Pew study of teens, technology, and friendships and teen researcher Emily Weinstein.
Seeing people posting about events to which you haven’t been invited
Feeling pressure to post positive and attractive content about yourself
Feeling replaceable: If you don’t respond to a best friend’s picture quickly or effusively enough, will she find a better friend?
Digital “FOMO”: If you’re not up-to-date on the latest social media posts, will it prevent you from feeling like you can participate in real-life conversations at school the next day?
Attachment to actual devices: If your phone is out of reach, will your privacy be invaded? Will you miss a message from a friend when he needs you?
Another report in Forbes citing research by University of Pittsburgh and West Virginia University researchers discusses the ill sects of social media use—or at least negative experiences on social— and links it to more feelings of social isolation, a.k.a. loneliness. It points to the likelihood that depressed and/or lonely people might be on social media more than normal and that’s going to push them further down onto negative emotions or experiences. Of course, blaming just social media platforms might be too simplistic but situation might get out of control when combined with multiple other variables like living by oneself especially far from family and friends coupled with a lack of meaningful community thus leading to the loneliness epidemic.
On the positive side, Social Media platforms have helped many of us reach out to the loved ones from distant past or distance and have brought people together around common causes. They have been instrumental in helping disadvantaged groups live a shared life with similar people across the entire globe. For example, Elliot Page, the Oscar-nominated star known for Juno, Whip It, and Umbrella Academy came out as trans and used Instagram to share this news with millions of fans and well wishers. Platforms have been instrumental in creating a safe space mostly though anonymity and closed groups thereby making it easier for people to find love in all its form and shape.
In an earlier newsletter about Platforms and Seniors, I have written that the curse of old age for many of our seniors has been loss of relationships and spark of life. Whether we talk about either Non Profits like Anubandh Foundation or Happy Seniors dating services providing matchmaking for seniors, the idea is to have a bond of like minded seniors who would live a better life with a new partner. Government of India has has launched a project to support age-tech startups- Seniorcare Ageing Growth Engine (SAGE). It is supporting Seniority, an e-commerce platform which also houses a virtual club for senior citizens to connect with each other. Another such company is Khyaal, which caters to the emotional needs of the elderly through companionship calls to keep the loneliness away.
Identity and staying safe in real life plays an important role in determining choice of platforms for finding relationships. Platforms like Bumble and Her are specific to women and Queer Women respectively. They have empowered the target group to take control of their relationships and find love on their own terms. Bumble even goes further and has created a features for women to connect with other women in a non-romantic relationship or even business relationship- Bumble BFF or Bumble Bizz.
Platform design principles include designing for market thickness leading to congestion where match making is elusive at best and harassment at worst. Most of the dating/relationship platforms gather and sell information about users for marketing thus may expose users data to bad actors. Users’ personal information may accidentally be released through bugs in their software, and by hackers through inadequate security.
Users must take adequate precautions while Getting Started, Connecting Online with Potential Dates and definitely while Considering Meeting In Real Life (IRL).
Platforms especially social media may cause lot of anxiety for people who may already be suffering one or more mental health challenges including loneliness and may end up exacerbating them. But on the another hand, they have been found extremely useful for people to reach out to the common interest groups without fear and take action.
OTW
Over the Weekend, I watched an inspirational portrayal of trial and tribulations of Pravin Tambe who truly believed that “age is just a number“. For the uninitiated , Praveen had his IPL debut at age 41 and soon after played his first Ranji Trophy cricket match. This all happened after he had given almost twenty years of his life in pursuit of his dream to play cricket at national level. This is when everybody had given up on him and asked him to do '“stuff” according to his age. Following passion takes lot of courage and there are temptation to take a short cut or cut corners but then we must take inspiration from extraordinary “overnight success story” of Praveen Tambe which took 25 years in making.
More power to the dreamers.
Praveen could wait and not give up. When I reflected on Praveen’s journey as depicted in the movie, I realised that he was following the path of Siddartha, a fictional character during the time of the Gautama Buddha by Herman Hesse in his extraordinary novel Siddartha.
Kamaswami, the merchant: "Yes indeed. And what is it now what you've got to give? What is it that you've learned, what you're able to do?"
Siddhartha: "I can think. I can wait. I can fast."
Kamaswami: "That's everything?"
Siddhartha: "I believe, that's everything!"
Kamaswami: "And what's the use of that? For example, the fasting-- what is it good for?"
Siddhartha: "It is very good, sir. When a person has nothing to eat, fasting is the smartest thing he could do. When, for example, Siddhartha hadn't learned to fast, he would have to accept any kind of service before this day is up, whether it may be with you or wherever, because hunger would force him to do so. But like this, Siddhartha can wait calmly, he knows no impatience, he knows no emergency, for a long time he can allow hunger to besiege him and can laugh about it. This, sir, is what fasting is good for."
Now, waiting and fasting are so close to everything we have learned about delayed gratification and its obvious advantages. Over the weekend, some of our friends started their fasting for either Navratri or Ramzan. I am a huge fan of fasting and would practice whenever possible. Of course, my grandmother was a huge believer in fasting during NavRatra festival both in Spring (Chaitra Navratri) and Autumn (Shardiya Navratri). Other than the obvious health advantages , I think that fasting helps us to create new neural pathways and improve brain plasticity and resilience.
Wishing everyone a blessed holiday season. Hope to talk to you soon OR even better see you soon.
I Love You
Shailendra
OTM
Opportunities through MountainSpeak presents you an experience of Solitude and of course “Solitude in Himalayas” can help you rediscover your self.
I have also started getting the F-cubed cohort ready for my Annual Himalayan Summer Trek 2022 from May 21st to 29th in association with AAGAAS. As usual , we would be trekking with friends and family in Garhwal Himalayas between Mandakini and Alaknanda Valley. This is primarily organised with local support to promote eco-tourism and thus may not have any luxury/paraphernalia but focuses on great experience and even better company. If you feel that a friend, colleague or a family member might be interested in this trek, please ask them to use the link to join to WhatsApp group for Annual Himalayan Trek organised by AAGAAS, Pipalkoti.
Mountains Inspire and Himalayas are of course Inspirational. There is so much to learn and practice and of course take back to our regular lives !
Of course, it is going to be very uncertain , extremely arduous, and at times unpleasant. It would also mean facing and solving problem after problem but let me tell you that this may be the most meaningful journey we may ever do.
And remember that there is no ‘How or When do I do it’ there is only ‘if I would do it ‘ !
See You Soon !
If you are still struck with the newsletter headline, you can read earlier pieces on Love and Platforms & another one on Platforms and Relationships.
Or watch this amazing song video!
Hello Sir, your blogs are very informative and I always look forward to reading them :) Thank you for sharing